So today, I decided to drive to Venice Beach because I love the smell of the ocean and it’s also a great place to read. As I was walking through the sand, I saw this group of 4 guys playing volleyball. While walking by them, I couldn’t he help but overhear one of the men being extremely rude to one of his teammates. Let’s just call the rude guy Bob, and his teammate Nick, for the sake of this story.
Bob’s exact words were: “What are you doing stupid, get it together!!! Do you have a problem?! Do you need me to help you wake up?”. A few seconds later this continued: “What is wrong with you, can’t you hit the ball?! Why aren’t you listening?! You don’t know what you’re doing. Get your shit together” etc. All of this was said to Nick while he silently continued to play the game. It was very uncomfortable for me to hear this conversation. I honestly have no idea how the other 3 players handled being around this rude guy.
An hour went by and I decided to go home. I walked by these guys again and the bullying was still in full throttle.
To be honest with you, I respect the fact that Nick continued playing the game and ignored Bob’s words. It takes a certain kind of person to be able to handle that. I also felt sorry for Nick because he was letting someone talk to him that way. I certainly wouldn’t encourage him to sink to Bob’s level and respond back with the same intensity. I would definitely choose a different team player and wouldn’t surround myself with people like that.
There is a great world of difference between destructive and constructive criticism. Why wouldn’t he approach the game in a different way? If you are yelling at someone every 5 seconds and telling them how horrible they are, what outcome do you really think you’ll get? The only thing you accomplish is having the other person think about how bad they are and as a result, you will never get the best out of that individual. However, if you focus your attention on the things they are doing right, they will feel better about themselves and most likely repeat that positive behavior.
As human beings, we search for instant gratification consciously and subconsciously every day. If we’re doing something right and get acknowledged for it, it feels amazing! We tend to do that more and more just to receive the instant gratification. It feels good, so why wouldn’t we? I’m all about constructive criticism, but there is a way of delivering that message without putting the other person down and belittling them.
See, if you happen to be in a situation, regardless if it’s a sport, business or even in personal life, try to notice the good things people are doing and acknowledge them for it. Don’t focus your attention on what they are doing wrong. It’s not right to repeat negative things over and over again and it’s never going to solve any problem.
Try to see the best in people around you and if you come across a “Bob”, or if you already have one in your life, simple walk the other way. You deserve better so value yourself and others will value you too!
Veronica Parks #VPLove